THERE IS HOPE. THERE IS HEALING.

My Journey

The Journey

My family was kicked out of church in 2001. The events of that time are recorded in my book The Things I Learned After Being Kick Out of Church, first published in 2010, with a second edition due to be released very shortly in 2026. On January 8, 2025, just before 4 am, my family escaped the Eaton Canyon Fire by running through flying embers to reach our vehicles. Two very different, yet significant events that have defined our lives. As I meditated on both events, the Lord showed me the analogy of fire in relation to the process we walked through in the years that followed being kicked out of church and recovering from spiritual abuse.

In Shock

Immediately follow the fire, and being informed that our home was gone at 10:30 am on 1/8/25, my family sat in stunned silence. We had evacuated to our daughter's home a few towns to the east of Altadena. What to do we do now? As an RN, I focused on what was needed and could be done. I quickly arranged shopping for needed items, so that we could shower and get out of smoke-filled clothes. But the disbelief that we were going through this was very real. The feelings of being lost, not sure what to do next. The trauma of a near death encounter was present. In the confusion, we treasured that we and our pets were alive. We were so grateful for friends and family that reached out, dropping of food, clothing, Bibles, and providing a place to sleep.

Discovering, recognizing that you have been subjected to spiritual abuse was much the same emotionally. The disbelief that you are in this situation, feeling lost, abandoned, not sure what to do next. The one difference is that, with spiritual abuse, what you have just been through may not be visibly recognizable. Where do you go? What do you do next? Does anyone see you? Who can you trust if the pastor(s) or leader(s) you trusted has been proven to be untrustworthy? Where do you go for help? How do you deal with the traumas often associated to spiritual abuse such as physical, emotional, financial, or sexual abuse? At least in the mass fire event, assistance centers were quickly set up for those who experienced loss. Emergency centers had lists of things to do, giving some direction for folks overwhelmed by the disaster. Such help has not been so readily available for victims of spiritual abuse. I would like to be one resource for those lost in spiritual abuse without direction.

As you begin the recovery process, feelings of being overwhelmed are very real. Support is needed. Finding support that listens and is trustworthy is a must. Time must be taken for mental processing and emotional expression. Give yourself lots of patience and time to go slow through the healing process. For me, this relates to finding a safe place to stay, clothes to wear, the basics needed to start the healing process.

Sifting Through the Ashes

Two months after the fire, my husband and I started sifting through the ashes of our property to see if anything was salvage able from the destruction. This relates to the many questions we asked after being kicked out of church. What was true or was it all lies? How do you separate truth from lies? Richard and I had a relationship with the living Lord prior to attending Harvest Rock Church (HRC). We were not willing to just throw away our Lord like the church that had thrown us away. So, we began reexamining the teaching we had embraced at HRC with Scripture. Even though Che and the other pastors had always used Scripture to justify what they were teaching, we decided to take another look at individual teachings and reevaluate them with Scripture. I needed to do this in order to understand what left us so vulnerable to so much pain. I review individual teachings in detail in the book, The Things I Learned After Being Kick Out of Church.

One thing to note about sifting through ash, protective gear is required to protect against toxic materials left by the fire. As you study what left you susceptible to spiritual abuse, have a trusted counselor to assist with the areas that may continue to deceive you; it is important to be protected from continued deception and toxic thoughts. Clearing the rubble required help from the Army Corp of Engineers, once we had finished sifting through the ash. Don't be afraid to ask for help in clearing the rubble of deception that ruled your life.

Rebuilding

When Richard and I began discussing ideas for a new home, we had to pray first. We weren't sure what we wanted, so we had to ask the Lord to help us define what we wanted and needed. We visited websites to see other home possibilities. We began listing the things we wanted and things we didn't want. About nine months after the fire, Richard and I began meeting with an architect to help us design the new vision for our home. There should be a new reliance on the Lord to direct your reconnection with the church and relationships. Don't rush the process. Let the Lord redefine and direct the process.

Restoration

As we reconnected with the church, Richard and I have changed. We spend more time with the Lord. More spiritual feeding comes from our own time with the Lord and close trusted friends than time at church. The emphasis is our being who Jesus created us to be instead of the rush of "doing" church activities. We ask the Lord if He wants us to be involved in different activities, instead of assuming we need to be. We still struggle sometimes with the expectations of others or the religious training of our past; yet our hearts desire is to hear and obey the Lord first and foremost. He has become our source of teaching and living day by day.

As much as we look forward to our physical home's completed rebuilding, we know that our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and his church will be a lifetime process. If you are in any of these stages following spiritual abuse, and you feel the need to reach out, please do so. I may not have the answers to your specific need, but I know the One who does. I will pray that He reveals the answers you need to you.